What is portrayed as heroic, inspiring, and impressive in US popular culture and social norms', often is not to me. It appears to be too much about feats and end results; or in the case of the idealized "Underdog", about obstructive others and adversarial circumstances.
Neither is either sufficient or necessary to inspire or impress me, or to make you my hero.
What is both sufficient and necessary are the challenges and setbacks, the repeating of attempts after failed priors, the ways you were obstructing yourself, and your regrets and mistakes.
Basically, the very things we DON'T state in job applications and interviews.
In my view; in a world both wise and compassionate, we should.
These differences between my own ideas and those in American general culture, became more personal when I thought it was a good idea to mention when applying for positions as babysitter or nanny, my personal struggles with parenting; the mistakes I made that led to the recognition that I had lots to change in how I was acting and thinking, and the challenge of changing.
I thought others would share my own sense that it indicated qualities that I would want someone to have when being trusted with children.
I was quickly advised not to.
That could be just another difference between myself and others that I have no problem accepting; I am an immigrant and that comes with clashes. However, what makes me feel so strongly that I want to bring this up here, is that I believe this is not just a case of different strokes for different folks but that it is harmful. That is because it reinforces in children that mistakes, regrets, and having found one's own ways of thinking and acting mistaken or regrettable; are to be disregarded, refuted, and stigmatized.
It is nothing less than a human tragedy if this is dominant also in the ways we as parents shape the culture and environment of Childhood.
As parents we are templates; even when and in the areas we should not.I personally find this both wonderful and awe inspiring; an incredible privilege and an intimidating responsibility. So it is so tragic when this sterile and inhuman idea of what counts, is what is enacted when a person seeks to feel that they are a good example, an inspiration, a hero, or just good enough, as a parent.
We alienate and hurt others and ourselves doing this, and it is counterproductive; nobody gets inspired by what appears to be possible only if they have no flaws and make no mistakes, and nobody is guided only by what someone ended up with without getting any sense of what it took to get there.
Still, it it is worse when we as the primary, and sometimes only, templates for a child, imprint is that it is bad to make mistakes; have personal ways of thinking and acting that he or she wants to change; try things regardless of how likely setback appears; the process of personal growth acquired ONLY through learning from all of the above; if done with full awareness of the risks, is not enough to feel appreciative and happy.If done knowingly and with full awareness of the potential consequences it would be an instance of Endangerment of Minor; only the harm would not be apparent, the cause difficult to trace, and the one suffering it would be the person the minor is still becoming.
I know personally of too many grown children whose relation to themselves and to others, reflect the patterns established as they tried desperately to feel that they were good enough for a parent who never appeared to express fear, sadness, or have any regrets or having made any mistakes. As children tend to do, they assumed that if they loved him or her, then to become like their mother or father would make them loved in return. It that they set the stage for a painful process of resisting, suppressing, resenting, and hopefully finally accepting, their own humanity.
I want, in what I am and what I do, to support everyone getting and providing a childhood that
nourishes adults who feel that it is as okay to criticize as it is to praise mom and dad for things they did as parents;
who has learned by their example to accept the diversity of qualities within themselves and of others, while feeling confident in setting boundaries for what they tolerate;
who accept setbacks and the making of mistakes as what allow us to evolve within our lifetime;
and who are able to say with sincerity to an adult son or daughter something like the following:
Neither is either sufficient or necessary to inspire or impress me, or to make you my hero.
What is both sufficient and necessary are the challenges and setbacks, the repeating of attempts after failed priors, the ways you were obstructing yourself, and your regrets and mistakes.
Basically, the very things we DON'T state in job applications and interviews.
In my view; in a world both wise and compassionate, we should.
These differences between my own ideas and those in American general culture, became more personal when I thought it was a good idea to mention when applying for positions as babysitter or nanny, my personal struggles with parenting; the mistakes I made that led to the recognition that I had lots to change in how I was acting and thinking, and the challenge of changing.
I thought others would share my own sense that it indicated qualities that I would want someone to have when being trusted with children.
I was quickly advised not to.
That could be just another difference between myself and others that I have no problem accepting; I am an immigrant and that comes with clashes. However, what makes me feel so strongly that I want to bring this up here, is that I believe this is not just a case of different strokes for different folks but that it is harmful. That is because it reinforces in children that mistakes, regrets, and having found one's own ways of thinking and acting mistaken or regrettable; are to be disregarded, refuted, and stigmatized.
It is nothing less than a human tragedy if this is dominant also in the ways we as parents shape the culture and environment of Childhood.
As parents we are templates; even when and in the areas we should not.I personally find this both wonderful and awe inspiring; an incredible privilege and an intimidating responsibility. So it is so tragic when this sterile and inhuman idea of what counts, is what is enacted when a person seeks to feel that they are a good example, an inspiration, a hero, or just good enough, as a parent.
We alienate and hurt others and ourselves doing this, and it is counterproductive; nobody gets inspired by what appears to be possible only if they have no flaws and make no mistakes, and nobody is guided only by what someone ended up with without getting any sense of what it took to get there.
Still, it it is worse when we as the primary, and sometimes only, templates for a child, imprint is that it is bad to make mistakes; have personal ways of thinking and acting that he or she wants to change; try things regardless of how likely setback appears; the process of personal growth acquired ONLY through learning from all of the above; if done with full awareness of the risks, is not enough to feel appreciative and happy.If done knowingly and with full awareness of the potential consequences it would be an instance of Endangerment of Minor; only the harm would not be apparent, the cause difficult to trace, and the one suffering it would be the person the minor is still becoming.
I know personally of too many grown children whose relation to themselves and to others, reflect the patterns established as they tried desperately to feel that they were good enough for a parent who never appeared to express fear, sadness, or have any regrets or having made any mistakes. As children tend to do, they assumed that if they loved him or her, then to become like their mother or father would make them loved in return. It that they set the stage for a painful process of resisting, suppressing, resenting, and hopefully finally accepting, their own humanity.
I want, in what I am and what I do, to support everyone getting and providing a childhood that
nourishes adults who feel that it is as okay to criticize as it is to praise mom and dad for things they did as parents;
who has learned by their example to accept the diversity of qualities within themselves and of others, while feeling confident in setting boundaries for what they tolerate;
who accept setbacks and the making of mistakes as what allow us to evolve within our lifetime;
and who are able to say with sincerity to an adult son or daughter something like the following: