They're are times when I received compliments on how I "deal with" the teen I work with.
Especially in instances of aggressive, defiant, or disruptive behavior (and I reluctantly use these labels; I find them so burden by having been used for what I see as purposes that is not to serve those they are applied to) I have been told that I manage to remain calm and wait.
I appreciate these compliments. However, from my perspective it is not patience and I am not withholding or waiting with a response.
I am responding, actively, but in ways that adhere to views and methods that appear to be uncommon and not recognized. Similarly I have had to rely on other forms than word based communication, such as spoken or sign language, and thus it may not be apparent that I am engaged in exchanges when I am.
Not unlike when someone is engaging me in a conversation while someone else is talking as part of another conversation, except in my nearly invisible Bluetooth headset.
Also, what appears as patience and withholding an action is really me having faith in methods, in process, and in my own competence when it tells me that I can do most for something underway by not doing anything. It would interfere with the process if I fell for the temptation to "not just stand there; do something" in the sense of something tangible and visible appears to be done.
I can not make a plant from a seed or turn a chrysalis into a butterfly; but I can nurture the process by which it happens. Anything else than that would be at best a waste and at worst an impediment.
Especially in instances of aggressive, defiant, or disruptive behavior (and I reluctantly use these labels; I find them so burden by having been used for what I see as purposes that is not to serve those they are applied to) I have been told that I manage to remain calm and wait.
I appreciate these compliments. However, from my perspective it is not patience and I am not withholding or waiting with a response.
I am responding, actively, but in ways that adhere to views and methods that appear to be uncommon and not recognized. Similarly I have had to rely on other forms than word based communication, such as spoken or sign language, and thus it may not be apparent that I am engaged in exchanges when I am.
Not unlike when someone is engaging me in a conversation while someone else is talking as part of another conversation, except in my nearly invisible Bluetooth headset.
Also, what appears as patience and withholding an action is really me having faith in methods, in process, and in my own competence when it tells me that I can do most for something underway by not doing anything. It would interfere with the process if I fell for the temptation to "not just stand there; do something" in the sense of something tangible and visible appears to be done.
I can not make a plant from a seed or turn a chrysalis into a butterfly; but I can nurture the process by which it happens. Anything else than that would be at best a waste and at worst an impediment.