A person close to my heart, and evidently able to match my head too, engaged me in an exchange that led to some reflection on the meaning of care.
This was most needed!
As much as I enact them, I need to be aware of just what are my views and values, what distinctions do I make, and what meanings have I associated with the concept and practice of Care.
Below are my personal thoughts as I put them in this conversation.
First I want to distinguish
(providing) care for
as different in my view from
(feeling) care about/for
someone.
One important difference; "care about/for" does not necessitate or come with expectations of any actions taken.
In "providing care for", however, efforts are made to replace and/or override temporary or permanently someone's ability to self-care.
But then I like to, for providing care for, make further distinctions; of responsibility and purpose.
Who is responsible- legally and emotionally, and to what or who's conditions?
Are you serving your own internal ideas of what you need to do and be to feel good or better, or avoid feeling bad, about yourself; or are your actions matched against what is best serving the needs (not necessarily the will and desire) of another, even if/when it means refusing or seizing to act?
Also, is there a purpose present and served in the practice's, to maximize, minimize infringement of, and supporting recovery of capacity for, independency, responsibility, self-reliance, and autonomy?
If there is not, then I would say that the care is not in the actual service of the needs of the person provided care, and the risk of harm to both provide and the recipient is great.
That is one reason why professional care providing (not necessarily every professional care providER; agency or individual) is in my view not at all either a replacement for, nor in any way lesser than, so called informal providing of care.
Optimally there should be both in collaboration. The lack of personal history and deeper attachment is actually part of why professional providing of care is able to work more, not less, in alignment with the needs of the care recipients.
It is a matter of accepting and respecting the biases we all have that makes it so hard to see when we violate this central tenet:
Genuine care about and high quality care for, should never be about what we do;
but what we enable, encourage, allow, and support (often by stepping away and just not take any action), the person we care for/about doing
You are responsible for yourself only, anything or anyone else for whom we feel responsible for the experiences of, is our choice; sometimes also backed by contract and/or law, but still a personal choice.
Be careful not to harm others out of an eagerness to please your own need to feel that you are "doing the right thing" and that you are a "responsible person".
Do not blur the line between
Someone needs help
and
I need to feel that I am helping
Personally, I have not needed to be cared for in a very very long time. However, I have been and always to some degree will be needing confidence in, support for developing and for utilizing my own ability to provide and be all I need.
In my relationships, whether personal and working with people experiencing disability, I want to put enabling before providing, so to speak.
This was most needed!
As much as I enact them, I need to be aware of just what are my views and values, what distinctions do I make, and what meanings have I associated with the concept and practice of Care.
Below are my personal thoughts as I put them in this conversation.
First I want to distinguish
(providing) care for
as different in my view from
(feeling) care about/for
someone.
One important difference; "care about/for" does not necessitate or come with expectations of any actions taken.
In "providing care for", however, efforts are made to replace and/or override temporary or permanently someone's ability to self-care.
But then I like to, for providing care for, make further distinctions; of responsibility and purpose.
Who is responsible- legally and emotionally, and to what or who's conditions?
Are you serving your own internal ideas of what you need to do and be to feel good or better, or avoid feeling bad, about yourself; or are your actions matched against what is best serving the needs (not necessarily the will and desire) of another, even if/when it means refusing or seizing to act?
Also, is there a purpose present and served in the practice's, to maximize, minimize infringement of, and supporting recovery of capacity for, independency, responsibility, self-reliance, and autonomy?
If there is not, then I would say that the care is not in the actual service of the needs of the person provided care, and the risk of harm to both provide and the recipient is great.
That is one reason why professional care providing (not necessarily every professional care providER; agency or individual) is in my view not at all either a replacement for, nor in any way lesser than, so called informal providing of care.
Optimally there should be both in collaboration. The lack of personal history and deeper attachment is actually part of why professional providing of care is able to work more, not less, in alignment with the needs of the care recipients.
It is a matter of accepting and respecting the biases we all have that makes it so hard to see when we violate this central tenet:
Genuine care about and high quality care for, should never be about what we do;
but what we enable, encourage, allow, and support (often by stepping away and just not take any action), the person we care for/about doing
You are responsible for yourself only, anything or anyone else for whom we feel responsible for the experiences of, is our choice; sometimes also backed by contract and/or law, but still a personal choice.
Be careful not to harm others out of an eagerness to please your own need to feel that you are "doing the right thing" and that you are a "responsible person".
Do not blur the line between
Someone needs help
and
I need to feel that I am helping
Personally, I have not needed to be cared for in a very very long time. However, I have been and always to some degree will be needing confidence in, support for developing and for utilizing my own ability to provide and be all I need.
In my relationships, whether personal and working with people experiencing disability, I want to put enabling before providing, so to speak.