When you find out that your son or daughter has gone "behind your back" and broken a promise; does your reaction indicate that you make it personal? That somehow it says something about whether your ability, or his/her respect for you, is "more" or "stronger" than an urge?
You are free NOT to infer that your qualities as a person or parent are at one side in some tug-o-war for what matters more when someone makes choices. Whether it is our son, daughter, or some other person; when we see a person's behavior as determined by such a linear and binary a process, we are disrespecting ourselves and them. And if we choose to read what we mean to them into what they do or don't, it will not be an accurate read. If we act as if it is, we will mistreat both ourselves and the other person.
As parents and childcare providers we are mirrors for the child; and we have a responsability to not make the child a mirror for us. That is a burden no child should carry.
You are free NOT to infer that your qualities as a person or parent are at one side in some tug-o-war for what matters more when someone makes choices. Whether it is our son, daughter, or some other person; when we see a person's behavior as determined by such a linear and binary a process, we are disrespecting ourselves and them. And if we choose to read what we mean to them into what they do or don't, it will not be an accurate read. If we act as if it is, we will mistreat both ourselves and the other person.
As parents and childcare providers we are mirrors for the child; and we have a responsability to not make the child a mirror for us. That is a burden no child should carry.